Change

So I was at my old school today, I was weirdly at ease being there considering how badly I left, but that's not the point. Me and a couple of friends went up to the school to visit a teacher who's mother just died because we knew she would be having a bad time of it.

We got to the school and all I could think was 'Goodness what is the new head master doing to this place?!' EVERYTHING has changed and very little is in a good way, just trying to visit a teacher that we wanted to comfort involved an entire song and dance, no where near as easy as it used to be. When I left the school though I was always haunted by one thing that this particular teacher had said, 'You'll regret it.' I hated her for that statement. I know I left really badly. I went about it so wrongly. However, I could never imagine it happening any differently because if I had gone about everything properly I would probably now be in my third year of sixth form. Now THAT I would probably be regretting.

I don't regret any decision I have made in the last 8 months, from leaving school, to applying for Crystal, to getting the job and accepting it. I am so happy right now. I could not imagine being like everyone else now, carting all my belongings off to a different city so I can continue in education. I am so excited about being able to spend my winter in the mountains, for me that is so much better. I can study later, but now I have the ability to do so much more, experience more. That is not how this teacher sees it though, and even today she just had to ask, 'Do you regret it yet?' The first time she asked me that it angered me so much, I couldn't stand that she even felt the need to ask me that, it's not her life after all, why should she even care if I regret it?! but this time I just sat, smile beaming across my face and said 'No' because it couldn't be more true, and not only do I not regret it 'yet' I won't regret it ever, because what is the use in regretting what you did in the past, you can't change it now. It started me thinking about how peoples attitudes can effect you, because I didn't always think like that, I did wonder if I would regret what I had chosen, whether one day I would suddenly regret everything I have done, but then I realised that what's happened has happened, you can't change it so there is no point in hoping that you could because you could spend your energy on other, more productive things. However if it weren't for some peoples negetivity I don't think I would be saying that now, so maybe having a couple of pessemists in your life is a good thing!

What with every thing changing so much it's given me the chance (as well as more time) to think about how it effects us. How people move in and out of your life, and how they touch your life, or how they don't. I've thought so much about the people I miss loads, the people who haven't left yet who I am going to miss loads, the people who left ages ago and I didn't even notive because I never really cared about them, and the people who I haven't talked to in ages who suddenly feel the need to catch up with me, even though I'd be quite happy if they didn't because it would save me a very awkward conversation.

I'm not really sure where I meant to go with this....but I kinda wanted to write it down.

And to the ones I miss, you know who you are!! I miss you guys soooo much!!